theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize