big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
