i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
