Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
