can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize