May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
