Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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