you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
