another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
tell me about the eggs
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