Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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