trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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