Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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