Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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