i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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