I love black thongs
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
