4 words: hood of his car
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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