Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
