I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
