You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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