i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
