Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
