Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
