thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
