i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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