Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize