Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
