You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
so much tequila, so little girl.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize