Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
