batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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