I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
