can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize