In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
