As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
