My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
