You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
