these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize