It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
