what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize