I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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