i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
