There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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