Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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