she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
