My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
