i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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