a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
