we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
only you would photoshop your dick
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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