walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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