1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
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