Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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