The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
