My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
