1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
