Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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