we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize