don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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