So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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