the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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