Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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