Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
