I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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