We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
