when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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