I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
