I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
