I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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