Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
