apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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