so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
third nipple confirmed
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
