If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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