I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
