My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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