I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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