Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
