Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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