Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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