How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
there was a trapeze. enough said
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
