Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
